I just have to get this off my chest...when my sister-in-law and her family (husband, 3-year-old twins [IVF encouraged after a 6 year struggle with infertility] and 6-month-old miracle baby), my bff (and her husband and 2-week-old miracle baby after 2 years of infertility), and my friend (and her husband, 4-year-old daughter and 2-year-old "surprise" twins) all came at once to meet Felicia when she was 1 week old (it was a crazy day!) the friend with the daughter and twins announced that she is expecting baby #4. At the time she was 8 weeks along. Is it ridiculous of me to be annoyed?! I am sure I sound like a 2-year-old whining, but,
Hey! Don't steal my thunder when everyone was gathered to meet our new little one for the first time! And don't announce a pregnancy to 3 fertility challenged couples and mention that you are pretty sure you timed things right to even get the gender you are hoping for (they have 3 girls and, as my friend put it, they "put in their request with NFP to get a boy this time") and that the due date is exactly when you planned for it to be. After she told all of us, she showed us her sea-bands that she was wearing for her nausea and said, "I thought you guys would notice these at the hospital when we were visiting J." ("J" is my bff's baby that was born 9 days before Felicia. We were all at the hospital at the same time to visit).
Now she keeps e-mailing me for "advice" about morning sickness and baby products and with updates about heartbeats and how they plan to find out the gender of their "darling girl" or "handsome boy" - her words, no, I am not kidding). Am I a terrible friend for just not caring? Especially now that I have a baby? I have one. Where are these feelings coming from?
This is the same friend, that KNOWING MY DESIRE FOR A CHILD, told me about a year and a half ago, I wish I was as nice as you! You are always so happy for everyone, even when they are all getting what you want.
Sorry for the whining. I am done.
No offense to your friend, but I kind of want to smack her for you :) Also, I know exactly how you feel and terrible or not, I think your reaction is totally normal! For some reason it bugs me that people who had zero problems getting pregnant want to compare themselves to our situation in any way, shape, or form... just feels like they haven't "earned" the right to do that! Ha, anyway, count me in as another Whiney Whiner!
ReplyDeleteOMG, totally do not like your friend. What a jerk. Ditch her and her stupid precious handsome son or lovely rapturous daughter or whatever. Not to sound bitter or anything... ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm going to ditto Amanda AND Erika here :) I would also feel like my thunder was stolen, and I don't know if it will be the same for you, but ever since dealing with infertility before getting pregnant with Davis, I ALWAYS have mixed emotions (usually more sad/jealous/irritated than happy) when ANYONE tells me they are pregnant (other than sub-fertiles, of course)... and I think I always will. Your friend happens to sound pretty dense and not super sensitive, so it is probably even more difficult to be happy for that type!
ReplyDeleteMy question answered: Does infertility bitters go away when you have a baby of your own? Apparently not. Darn! I was hoping it would vanish with my BFP, but baby or not, it doesn't change insensitive people, huh? What a thunder-stealer! Boo!
ReplyDeleteEwww. You are not a bad friend. In fact, I think you and the others may have handled this more gracefully than I could have. I would have a really hard time with the emails too. Maybe you could remind her that even though you have your own baby it is still hard to talk about her easy peasy, planned pregnancy? I don't know. She sounds very insensitive and totally stole your thunder! After all your been through, you deserve your own time to bask in the newness of Felicia with friends and family!
ReplyDeleteSounds like a totally normal response for someone who has been through infertility and pregnancy/parenthood after infertility. I think the scars that infertility leaves never quite go away, and unfortunately, your friend seems oblivious to your journey. No apologies needed - whine away!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Let me know if you got my blog email! I think I figured it out!
Ugh you are not a bad friend and I would personally like to tell your friend to shove it! Sorry I'm a tad grouchy these days too so that never helps. Felicia deserves to be the center of attention and nobody needs to be stealing her thunder!
ReplyDeleteI want to whine right there with you! Especially because if you and your husband want another babe you won't know if you can until you try and it may not work out. I have that fear every time we talk about having another and pregnancy announcements still kill me even though I have what I want. It's perfectly acceptable to want it to be all about you right now as you celebrate Felicia in your life!
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