Decisions, decisions...

So, since my last post approximately 2 weeks ago, I have started to come around to this whole "staying home" business. It still scares the s*** out of me, but there seem to be a lot of pros, and a few cons (although the cons seem REALLY BIG). The main con is getting back into teaching after being away. A second con is what happens to me if my husband turns out to be an awful human being like my dad and leaves me desolate. I don't think my husband would do that, but it is something that creeps into my mind every now and again when I am emotional, tired, when we are having an argument, etc. I mean, my mom never thought she'd be where she is, but here she is.

In my worry over the decision I have been talking to a lot of people...my husband, my mom, my sisters, my friends, stay at home moms that I know, working moms that I know, teachers at my school (only the ones I trust with the information that I am considering not signing that coveted contract in the spring). In a moment of freaking out while drinking my morning coffee last week, I posted to a teacher chatboard that I frequented as a new teacher and still check in on every once in a while. For your reading pleasure:

My post:

Our daughter (first and only child at this point) just

turned one this week. I was lucky to have about 7 months

off with her before I returned to my full-time art teacher

job in August. With my husband's long commute, our desire

to buy a house near his work (which is about 25 miles away

from my school), the cost of childcare, the reality that

enrollment is way down at my Catholic school and I haven't

gotten a raise in 5 years...

We are considering having me stay home next year. My

husband has much more faith in my art abilities (I feel

rusty at "adult art" and haven't been in a show since my

first year teaching 6 years ago) and thinks I could take

this opportunity to get back to what I love: making my own

art. This prospect both excites and terrifies me.

Have any of you taken a break from teaching and

successfully gotten back into it? I just re-upped my

license in June so I am licensed until 2018, although we

want 1 or more kids, so it might be a while...

And the 2 responses I got:

You are SO LUCKY! you have the support of your husband to

pursue your own artistic endeavors, you get the chance to keep

your daughter with you, all while trying to purchase a home.

This is a dream for many art teachers out there. Cherish this

new adventure, nurture and trust your artistic abilities, and

enjoy this amazing opportunity. Good luck!!! 

and

I did the same thing when my daughter was born. I worked the first

year and had such a hard time with it. My husband said we would

try a year with me home, and that turned into 2 which turned into

6. I was ridiculously lucky that I could take parental leave for 

that long (I had 2 more children and took 2 years for each child.

(It wasn't written in our contract that we had to return between

each child.) I did end up returning to my job when my oldest was

in 2nd grade, middle in kindergarten and youngest was 3 years old

(pre- school.) It was absolutely difficult financially and I lost

all of my seniority, but it was hands down the best decision I

ever made. I don't regret it for a minute and treasure that time I

had with the kids especially now that they are getting old (4th,

6th, and 8th grade.) I say go for it.... It could turn into a

wonderful opportunity where you end up doing something other than

teaching---something you would have never tried if you didn't have

a reason to leave. You DO have a reason---a big one, and if you can

swing it financially, you'll never regret having that time with your

children.

So, who knows how I will feel in a week, a month, when I get my teaching contract (or when I don't, it isn't a guarantee), on the last day of school in June? Right now I feel like staying home might be the best option for my family. I know we can't relive this year without being very stressed and unhappy. As Einstein said, 

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." We'd be insane to not try something different next year...but is staying home the right different thing to try?!