Just tell Him!

Today in class, one of my first graders asked me, out the the blue, "Mrs. Bird, do you want kids?"

I paused, smiled and said, "I sure do!" and then (to preserve my sanity and prevent more questions) added, "Someday!"

She looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Well, tell God!"

I laughed and asked, "And then what will happen?"

Her response: "God will make your belly bigger and put a baby in there! Just tell Him!"

So, I told Him. And now here it is in writing:

God, I really want a baby. I am ready! I know my husband will be an amazing father and I'll do my best as a mother. Please, make my belly bigger and put a baby in there.

Only the beginning

Yesterday we saw my Mom's family for Easter. We were at my Grandma's and it was easy to be in good spirits for most of the celebration. My Grandma prepared a vegetarian, gluten free dish just for me which was very kind and made me feel loved and looked after. We visited with my relatives, Skyped with my sister who is studying abroad for the semester, and cuddled with my Grandma's dogs.

Then, near the end of the party, an overwhelming sadness came over me. Most of the guests had already left so thankfully it wasn't embarrassing. Only The Bee, my Mom, my Grandma and I remained. My Grandma asked, "What are all of these tears for? Are you nervous about your surgery in June?" I could only nod because I had a big knot in my throat. She gave me a hug and told me to stop writing the end to a story that is only beginning. She asked if I prayed. I said, "Yes" and she asked, "To who?" I responded, "I say the Our Father, Hail Mary and pray to St. Gerard daily." Then she took something out of her pocket and closed my hand around it.

It is a rosary that she got in Rome several years ago. It was blessed by Pope John Paul II while she was there. She told me that she carries a rosary with her everywhere. "Even if you aren't praying it, you need to keep this with you. And please know that God knows your desires without all of these tears and worries. Worrying won't help. Enjoying life will. You are a young, bright woman with a wonderful husband who loves you. Your life is good. After your surgery, you won't be able to turn the babies off! So please don't cry. This is only the beginning."

A Prayer

Telling my Mom about our struggle with fertility has been one of the most liberating things for me in the last 20 months. I told her last October and she has been nothing but supportive (even though she says some funny things at times!). A few weeks ago she gave me a bag of stuff that included some sewing supplies, books about teaching, two tape dispensers (I have an abnormal love of office/school supplies), and some cardboard tubes and cereal boxes (that I use for projects at school, art teachers truly are scroungers!). I am embarrassed to admit that it took me this long to completely unpack the last of the goodies.

 Here is what I found at the very bottom of the bag:

Sorry for the terrible picture (I did not use our new camera to snap this photo!). It is a prayer card with St. Gerard Majella on the front and this prayer on the back:

Almighty God, Author of Life,

your servant,

St. Gerard Majella,

practiced love of you

and love of others

in an extraordinary way.

Through his powerful intercession,

grant the gift of life to couples

who need your help.

Protect the unborn and 

assist mothers-to-be.

May children,

especially those in the womb

and the most vulnerable,

be a sign of your unfailing love.

It was just what I needed today! I have been searching for a prayer for people dealing with infertility or a patron saint of infertile couples and found nothing! Then, without even mentioning it to her, my Mom found this and gave it to me! I will be saying this with my nightly prayers for all of us going through this difficult experience!