Making it work for us

2 posts in 2 days?! What the what?!

I am going to try to document a little bit about the good (and maybe not-so-good) things as I learn to navigate being home full-time.

What is making it work for us right now:

1. I prep or start dinner during the babe's nap. She takes one nap nowadays (I know I am LUCKY!). Sometimes long (almost 3 hours yesterday!) sometimes short (35 minutes one day last week). Even if it is pretty short, I seem to have time to at least chop veggies/lay out ingredients for dinner. Right now, I have these sizzling on the stove:

Vegetarian Lettuce Wraps from The Pioneer Woman Cooks

We don't eat much tofu these days, but these are SO good and SO easy! I use coconut oil for cooking the tofu, add 2 cups cooked brown rice, a clove or 2 of minced garlic, and chopped green onion to ours, too. We use gluten free soy sauce to keep them friendly for my gf diet (which is going strong, although I have fallen off the endo diet...I love me some chocolate and red wine!). 

If my husband was home in time to entertain our daughter while I did dinner prep, I probably wouldn't spend her nap this way. But, it is what it is! He still gets home about 2 hours after Felicia and I eat (which is creeping up on Felicia's bed time). Cooking with a very "helpful" 18-month-old can be a challenge. So for now, this is the easiest way for me to get good, whole foods on the table for all three of us. 

2. We go to the park everyday before lunch as long as it is not raining or too hot (today was a too hot day so we've been a bit cooped up). Round trip, it is about an hour of walking/playing. It gets us out of our little 2 bedroom apartment and gets me some much needed exercise. Soon I'll have a running stroller, thanks to my sister who no longer needs the one she used with her kiddos. 

3. I try to read for at least 30 minutes a day after Felicia is down for the night. I just finished this one:

source

Which I really enjoyed! I highly recommend it for anyone who wants or has kids.

I just started this one last night:

source

I am in a book club with 4 girlfriends and this is the book we'll be meeting about in August. It seems a little fluffy so far, but I think it will be fun.

We took the plunge...

I sent my resignation to my new principal almost 2 weeks ago. My last official day of availability is this Wednesday, but I turned in my keys and school laptop this morning. I was glad that many of my co-workers happened to be at school today so I got to do some real farewells. I am excited for more time with my family, but also terrified about being unemployed. I have had a steady job for the last 14 years! Almost half of my 30 years! And, let's be honest...I will miss my co-workers, students, the excitement of the hustle and bustle of classes. And I already miss my lunch breaks, even though they were usually only 25 minutes long! Ha!

Things I have noticed about being home full-time so far (that I don't want to forget as I settle in to this "stay at home" thing):

1. I never get as much done as I hope. The world doesn't end, though, if that load of laundry doesn't get put away today.

2. I enjoy cooking REAL food! During school my cooking had to be quick things...now I actually have enough time home before dinner to, like, make baked potatoes in the oven instead of the microwave and use fresh squeezed lemon juice in recipes instead of the bottled stuff. We have been eating so much better in the last few weeks!

3. It is amazing to spend all day with my kid. She is (mostly) a real joy to be around.

4. I have gotten more reading done in the last few weeks than I had January-June. Not because I have time during the day, but because I let myself have some time at night (instead of freaking out about getting everything ready for daycare, or fretting about lesson plans).

5. My husband and I have been fighting less. We have some damage control to take care of. Things got pretty bad after I returned to work in August, especially starting in January. Too much stress, not enough time together. Work was eating both of us. We were really suffering as a couple. Right now, the reduced income for our family seems a small price to pay for getting our marriage back on track.

6. I am tired at the end of the day, but not downright exhausted and beat. I am not tired to the point of tears.

Although my school keys and computer are returned, I still have a bit of work to do on my curriculum maps for the new teacher. I want things to be really easy for her/him. I want the art program to continue being successful. So, that is going to be looming large until I finish. My goal is before August 1, which is when the curriculum software archives for the new school year.

For now, I will leave you with a picture of the girl who gets all my time these days :)

Do you iron for your husband?

Almost radio silence on Monday's post (thanks for your thoughts, Megan!). I've been doing some reading on grief, so hopefully I will know what to do/say next time I see her/write to her/call her. In my research I realized that I hadn't even considered how hard Mother's Day will be for her. Her first Mother's Day and her little boy won't be with her. On Mother's Day, he will have been gone for almost exactly 5 months. He should have been 7 months old in May. I'll be sending some sort of "thinking of you" card and maybe a seed packet of forget-me-nots.

Moving on to ironing...

This morning, my husband got home around 3am, after leaving for work TUESDAY MORNING AT 8:30am. His job is out of control and craptastic to the max right now. Well, this morning he had to go to a client's office instead of his regular office, so he wanted to look sharper than usual. He has known about this for a few weeks and had the outfit picked out (pants, dress shirt, tie all from Express that fit him like. a. glove.). Anyhow, after doing night care of the babe (the TEETHING babe with a possible EAR INFECTION starting) I probably only got as much sleep as mister "I work 'til 3am and don't see my family." So, this morning at 6:30 I am trying to get Felicia back to sleep for the umpteenth time when my husband's alarm starts going off. I am simultaneously comforting the babe and kicking the man out of bed. He rolled out of bed at 7:02. He was shooting to leave home at 7:30 to get to the client's office. He showers quickly, then freaks out because he hasn't shaved his scruffy face and his pants haven't been ironed. I get up and ask him what he needs me to do. He glares (overly tired men are really like women). I ask/yell "WHAT DO YOU NEED ME TO DO TO HELP YOU?" "My pants, my pants!" he cries. To be fair, I guess I couldn't have shaved for him. But I was tired and not being logical when I asked what he needed me to do. In my defense, he should be able to ask me to iron his pants instead of just getting mad and expecting me to offer. So, I iron his pants. I do the best I can, but I am not good at ironing! I avoid it at all costs, in fact.

So, ladies...Do you iron for your husbands? I feel like I should watch some youtube tutorials or something and get better, but I don't want The Bee to expect that I will be his personal ironing slave, especially when I am home next year.

Now, because I am overly tired and have only had 2 sips of coffee thus far and it seems like a big deal this very moment...I have to share that I missed buzzing in the diaper service because I was ironing said pants for my husband. GREAT. Now we have a week's worth of dirty diapers to hang on to for another week. And possibly no clean diapers for the coming 7 days. Hopefully they left the cleans in the lobby. I'll have to wait to check, though, because that teething, ear infection suffering girl is now SOUND ASLEEP at 8:15am.

And in case it is unclear, I really do love my husband. I just hate his job.

Thank you! (pros and cons)

Thank you to those of you who commented on my post about Pros and Cons when it comes to staying home vs. working. I appreciate your ideas and input!

Allison - Staying busy will be something I try to do! I have done a ton of reading about toddler/preschool art* and have some experience now that I have taught preschool this school year...so I hope that wherever we end up house-wise, we will have neighbors with kids and I can host a toddler art group! I also plan on taking a Music Together with Felicia. As for free stuff to do: library story time, visits with my sister and her 2 kids...I'll have to come up with more, obviously!

Colleen - Thanks for stopping by - hope you come by again and see this:) I won't know exactly how it will go for me until I try it, but I was home full-time with my daughter for 7 months before I returned to my teaching job, so I got a little taste. We found that we automatically adjusted our spending (I only had 6 weeks paid out of those 7 months). We put the same amount in savings every month and easily paid all of our bills. Our checking account wasn't quite as plump at the end of the month, but it was nothing shocking. Maybe if I made more money at my job, the drop in income would be more of a concern, ha! I don't make much as I work at a Catholic school and haven't had a raise in 4 years! I hope I don't get bored or become unhappy - the isolation part of all of this scares me most! I think that working part-time would be ideal (best of both worlds) but my current job doesn't allow for part-time. I like how you pointed out that what I decide now isn't a decision for the rest of my life. I can return to work if the SAHM thing doesn't work out.

Erika - The school is getting more stressful by the day :( Ugh. Our new principal walked in at a very hard time for the school financially. I really feel for her; it has not been an easy year to lead and things are sort of falling apart. There is talk of about 5 teachers planning to leave after this school year (which is a big percentage as we only have about 30 teachers!). Our enrollment is down - we were at 360 my first year and we are at about 280 now. Our school day is being lengthened after Easter this school year to make up for the 5 "cold days" we had off in January and the lengthened day will be standard next school year. So, an extra half-hour each day next year with no raise...not too enticing. We have even been told that teachers may be asked to take a pay cut to keep more of us employed - it was pitched to us as being "team players" to keep the school going. So, high stress, longer hours, and not only no raise, but possibly a pay cut? Not looking so good :(

Infertile625 - Thanks for that link! Our school is taking state standardized tests for the first time this year and there is speculation that we will need to start "teaching to the test" next year to bump up our scores. We are a Catholic school, so we have not done the state tests in the past. We've done standardized tests in 3 of our 9 grades just to keep tabs on where our kids are, but now the scores will be published in the papers with our area public schools' scores. We are headed down that slippery slope :( Teaching evening art classes would be a good way to keep my hand in teaching! I've actually considered maybe trying some adult art classes like those "Wine and Canvas" gigs that are becoming so popular! Do you have those where you live? "Painting Pubs" are also on the rise here! I haven't tried either, but several of my friends have.

polycysticinside-  Thanks for the artist's perspective! I haven't had much time to do my own 
art since becoming an art teacher 6 years ago, so now working full-time and being a mom I
don't have ANY chance to do art! I am not expecting to get a lot done, but I do think that:
1. I will have more time without the commute, hours at work, commute to pick up my daughter, 
commute home 
and 
2. I might actually WANT to do my own art more (after painting, drawing, sculpting, etc with 
kids all day and washing literally HUNDREDS of paintbrushes in a preschool bathroom sink, 
I usually have very little desire or energy to work on my own stuff!)
I think this way I may have a fighting chance to lay down some paint at my own easel again! 
Time will tell, but after reading about your experience, I will try to expect that there won't be 
much time most days.


Abby - Glad you randomly clicked over from Erika's blog...not sure if you will see this! I hopped over to your blog for a bit...love your hair and your son is adorable! What is a MOPS group? Okay...back to responding to your comment: When my husband and I did our pre-marriage classes through our church, we did a lot of talking about our future together. At the time, at age 22, our goal was to start a family at age 25 after I taught for a year and to have me stay home. Not sure how we decided that! Anyways, the economy tanked the year we got married and my husband, although always employed, did not find his "career job" that he wants to stick with until mid-2011. Mix in a dose of infertility that, after we waited a few extra years for my husband to find a job he was happy at and waited for me to establish my curriculum at school (which I designed from NOTHING!), caused it to take 2 years to get pregnant. So, our daughter was born when I was 29. Things have not gone according to plan (we also, in our naivete thought we'd get a house BEFORE having a baby - ha!). SO, being a SAHM was a goal and dream of mine, too, but now I am scared after all of the twists and turns it has taken to get here! Deep down, I think I would love it. I am pretty sure we are going to try it out after this school year!! Thanks for the advice about being realistic...part of me thinks I will be Wonder Woman with all the "extra time" at home, even though during the hours that I already have at home, I get very little done when I am the sole parent home with our daughter!

Thank you all, again!

* I highly recommend these great books about art for little ones:
Young at Art: Teaching Toddlers Self-Expression, Problem Solving Skills, and an Appreciation for Art
First Art for Toddlers and Twos: Open-Ended Art Experiences
The Artful Parent 
The Artful Parent is also a blog (all the same content of the book, but online and free!):
http://www.artfulparent.com/
These 3 books have even changed how I approach art with many of my older students! The bonus is that now I will be ready for art with Felicia as soon as time allows! She has used crayons and markers so far and painted with blueberry juice, but that is it. SO EXCITED to do a lot more this summer! I'll have to post more about these resources another time.

Pros and Cons

Please feel free to add your two cents! Here is my list so far! Allison - I would love your insight regarding staying home! I know you are honest about how challenging it can be.

Pros and Cons regarding staying home as opposed to working full- or part-time:

Pros:

1. More time with babe
2. More time with The Bee
3. Our boundaries for where to buy a house would be easier to define (The Bee and I work about 20 miles away from each other, in opposite directions of the major cities. Me leaving my current school would make living near his office more logical).
4. When I am ready to go back to teaching, I will have an area near our home/The Bee's job to focus my search
5. Time to pursue my own art again
6. Grocery shopping during the day with the babe (instead of after work in the dark with the babe)
7. More time for whole foods, home cooked meals
8. Daytime used for some house work so evenings can be spent with The Bee
9. Story time at the library (for some reason I am really sad that I never get to do this with the babe)
10. The Bee coming home for lunch 
11. Less car/commute time for all of us!
12. Play dates with cousins and friends
13. Trading daycare with my sister so I still get a little time for my sanity
14. In the words of a co-worker, our school is a "sinking ship." I can bail out now before things get really bad.
15. I would be home when the babe was sick...no more scrambling to get sub plans done at 4am or arguments about who needs to adjust their work schedule (this was a disaster in December when the stomach flu hit. I was home with the babe for 3 days in one week. The following week, she couldn't go to daycare due to illness at my sister's house so The Bee stayed home with her in the morning and then the babe came to school with me in the afternoon...thank God it worked that day due to special events so I was not teaching regular classes!)
16. I would be able to take the babe to doctors appointments without having to miss work/make sub plans

Cons:

1. Lapse in my teaching license
2. Lapse in employment
3. Isolation of being home instead of in the working world
4. Losing touch with the real world (this doesn't happen to all SAHM's, but I know a few who are so out of touch with everyone/everything except their own little families)
5. Less income
6. No breaks (at school right now I get 50 minute lunches 2 days a week, 25 minute lunches 3 days a week)
7. Long stretches without adult conversation
8. No more Caribou and Starbucks giftcards at Christmas from students (Ha - I am seriously going to miss this! We haven't had to pay cash for coffee out for the last 5 years. Mind you, we maybe go to coffee shops once a month, but it is still a perk I will miss!)
9. Missing teaching. I do find some real joy in making art with my students.

Decisions, decisions...

So, since my last post approximately 2 weeks ago, I have started to come around to this whole "staying home" business. It still scares the s*** out of me, but there seem to be a lot of pros, and a few cons (although the cons seem REALLY BIG). The main con is getting back into teaching after being away. A second con is what happens to me if my husband turns out to be an awful human being like my dad and leaves me desolate. I don't think my husband would do that, but it is something that creeps into my mind every now and again when I am emotional, tired, when we are having an argument, etc. I mean, my mom never thought she'd be where she is, but here she is.

In my worry over the decision I have been talking to a lot of people...my husband, my mom, my sisters, my friends, stay at home moms that I know, working moms that I know, teachers at my school (only the ones I trust with the information that I am considering not signing that coveted contract in the spring). In a moment of freaking out while drinking my morning coffee last week, I posted to a teacher chatboard that I frequented as a new teacher and still check in on every once in a while. For your reading pleasure:

My post:

Our daughter (first and only child at this point) just

turned one this week. I was lucky to have about 7 months

off with her before I returned to my full-time art teacher

job in August. With my husband's long commute, our desire

to buy a house near his work (which is about 25 miles away

from my school), the cost of childcare, the reality that

enrollment is way down at my Catholic school and I haven't

gotten a raise in 5 years...

We are considering having me stay home next year. My

husband has much more faith in my art abilities (I feel

rusty at "adult art" and haven't been in a show since my

first year teaching 6 years ago) and thinks I could take

this opportunity to get back to what I love: making my own

art. This prospect both excites and terrifies me.

Have any of you taken a break from teaching and

successfully gotten back into it? I just re-upped my

license in June so I am licensed until 2018, although we

want 1 or more kids, so it might be a while...

And the 2 responses I got:

You are SO LUCKY! you have the support of your husband to

pursue your own artistic endeavors, you get the chance to keep

your daughter with you, all while trying to purchase a home.

This is a dream for many art teachers out there. Cherish this

new adventure, nurture and trust your artistic abilities, and

enjoy this amazing opportunity. Good luck!!! 

and

I did the same thing when my daughter was born. I worked the first

year and had such a hard time with it. My husband said we would

try a year with me home, and that turned into 2 which turned into

6. I was ridiculously lucky that I could take parental leave for 

that long (I had 2 more children and took 2 years for each child.

(It wasn't written in our contract that we had to return between

each child.) I did end up returning to my job when my oldest was

in 2nd grade, middle in kindergarten and youngest was 3 years old

(pre- school.) It was absolutely difficult financially and I lost

all of my seniority, but it was hands down the best decision I

ever made. I don't regret it for a minute and treasure that time I

had with the kids especially now that they are getting old (4th,

6th, and 8th grade.) I say go for it.... It could turn into a

wonderful opportunity where you end up doing something other than

teaching---something you would have never tried if you didn't have

a reason to leave. You DO have a reason---a big one, and if you can

swing it financially, you'll never regret having that time with your

children.

So, who knows how I will feel in a week, a month, when I get my teaching contract (or when I don't, it isn't a guarantee), on the last day of school in June? Right now I feel like staying home might be the best option for my family. I know we can't relive this year without being very stressed and unhappy. As Einstein said, 

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." We'd be insane to not try something different next year...but is staying home the right different thing to try?!