NIAW 2013

Hey, ladies! I just wanted to say that I am thinking of all of you during National Infertility Awareness Week! It is a week that I am sure none of us wish we knew about, but here we are.

Last year at this time I was listening to my Circle + Bloom CDs every night and playing the waiting game as we approached June, the month of my scheduled laparoscopy. I will never forget how I felt and I will continue to have an open and understanding ear for anyone struggling to have a baby. Truth be told, I am terrified that if I ever try to become pregnant again, I am going to find myself in the same spot I was in during the years we waited for our daughter. So much uncertainty and so much sadness and pain. We are extremely blessed (beyond blessed, even!) to have her and I have been shocked by the way that infertility still affects the way I think and feel about many things.

I know that not all of you have strong faith, but I still pray this every night and mention many of you by name in petitions. I had been searching and searching for prayers for infertile couples and my Mom gave this prayer card to me without even knowing that I had been looking. I remember that feeling alone and isolated was one of the hardest parts and I am so thankful to this community for so much support and understanding! During this NIAW week, I hope that you all have some real life support in addition to this amazing online sisterhood as you journey towards expanding your families.

Almighty God, Author of Life,

your servant,

St. Gerard Majella,

practiced love of you

and love of others

in an extraordinary way.

Through his powerful intercession,

grant the gift of life to couples

who need your help.

Protect the unborn and 

assist mothers-to-be.

May children,

especially those in the womb

and the most vulnerable,

be a sign of your unfailing love.

3 Months (and 2 Months!)

 
Felicia at 2 months:
At 2 months Felicia...
*weighs 12lb 1oz
*measures 23.5 inches in length
*smiles and coos
*loves to cuddle and to be sung to (and sometimes sings along!)
*is happiest in the morning 
*adores her papa

 

Felicia at 3 months:

At 3 months, Felicia:
* loves to play with her toys
* drools A LOT
* smiles and talks 
* wants to stand 
* sings along to the ABCs (in her own words)

I'm here!

Just a quick post to say, "Hi!" to everyone! I've been reading but not commenting.

Felicia is well, I am well, The Bee...well, he's hanging in there! Work is ridiculous and terrible for him these days. Without trying to sound too dramatic, I feel like a single mother with really awesome child support right now. My husband is pretty much only home to sleep (we eat dinner between 10pm and 2am most nights because that is when he gets home). He is also currently sick, so when he is home, I am taking care of him, too! One would think that a career that uses his college degree would allow for a higher quality of life, but right now he is really dragging. There was even one day a few weeks ago where he didn't even get to hold Felicia in a 24 hour period because of his stupid job. I am glad he is employed, I am not trying to sound ungrateful, but I need my husband and Felicia needs her Dad! I am very worried about his health...physically, mentally, and emotionally.

When we visited my Grandma last Sunday (without The Bee because he was at the office, poor guy), she gave me a hug and said, "I don't ever post on facebook, but I do go on to check on people. From things you are writing I can tell that you love your baby and you miss your husband." Spot on, Grandma!

Lest you think I am exaggerating about how hard/sad it is to not see The Bee (or how stressed/tired he is), Felicia and I drive him to and from work on Thursdays 1. just to spend some waking time with him and 2. so that I can feel confident he will get to and from work safely at least one day of the week.

Whiney whiner...

I just have to get this off my chest...when my sister-in-law and her family (husband, 3-year-old twins [IVF encouraged after a 6 year struggle with infertility] and 6-month-old miracle baby), my bff (and her husband and 2-week-old miracle baby after 2 years of infertility), and my friend (and her husband, 4-year-old daughter and 2-year-old "surprise" twins) all came at once to meet Felicia when she was 1 week old (it was a crazy day!) the friend with the daughter and twins announced that she is expecting baby #4. At the time she was 8 weeks along. Is it ridiculous of me to be annoyed?! I am sure I sound like a 2-year-old whining, but, Hey! Don't steal my thunder when everyone was gathered to meet our new little one for the first time! And don't announce a pregnancy to 3 fertility challenged couples and mention that you are pretty sure you timed things right to even get the gender you are hoping for (they have 3 girls and, as my friend put it, they "put in their request with NFP to get a boy this time") and that the due date is exactly when you planned for it to be. After she told all of us, she showed us her sea-bands that she was wearing for her nausea and said, "I thought you guys would notice these at the hospital when we were visiting J." ("J" is my bff's baby that was born 9 days before Felicia. We were all at the hospital at the same time to visit). 

Now she keeps e-mailing me for "advice" about morning sickness and baby products and with updates about heartbeats and how they plan to find out the gender of their "darling girl" or "handsome boy" - her words, no, I am not kidding). Am I a terrible friend for just not caring? Especially now that I have a baby? I have one. Where are these feelings coming from? 

This is the same friend, that KNOWING MY DESIRE FOR A CHILD, told me about a year and a half ago, I wish I was as nice as you! You are always so happy for everyone, even when they are all getting what you want. 

Sorry for the whining. I am done.

1 month

Felicia at 1 month:

• Weighs 10lbs, 6oz 
• Measures 22.75 inches long
• Loves to cuddle, to look at her papa, to listen her mama singing, to dance, and to stay up at night!
• Goes by "Piggy the Pooh" "Little Muncher" and "Ponyo"
• Talks and smiles in the morning
• Hates having her face and neck washed
• Eats every 2-3 hours

We are so grateful to have been given this sweet and funny little girl!

Colic?!

Felicia had 4 good nights in a row and I kept telling myself not to get too excited about it! I am glad I didn't get used to 3-4 hour stretches of sleep in the night because last night was another rough one. Probably the roughest we've had so far, actually! I am not sure if she is just fighting sleep so much that she gets overstimulated or if she is uncomfortable from something like tummy troubles, but last night we started wondering if we are beginning to see a touch of colic.

For 3.5 hours we took turns walking, rocking, swaying, shushing, singing, reading, diaper changing, feeding (well, the feeding part was all me)...we tried everything we could think of. We gave her baby gas drops for the first time and I got her pacifiers ready (they were still in the package so I had to sterilize them by boiling for 5 minutes) but we didn't end up using them. We swaddled her. We even let her just lay on a blanket to kick and move around. The things that seemed to calm her most were: laying diaperless on her changing pad, leaning on my thighs while I rubbed her belly, sitting with me and reading stories (my voice calmed her, I think), and laying skin to skin on her papa's chest. Ultimately, laying skin to skin with The Bee put her to sleep (we are not sure if she was just so exhausted at that point or if it was what she actually needed). Now I have a sleepy little girl laying in bed next to me a 11am.

I am going to try to get out to the library with her today to check out (or at least reserve) some books/dvds about baby massage. I think that massage may be a good thing for her; if we can keep her relaxed we may be able to avoid the big wind up that we saw last night. Baby massage is also supposed to help with digestive issues. We don't think she really has tummy troubles because she poops and pees like a champ, doesn't seem to be gassy, and I haven't changed anything about my diet, but if that is the problem, massage should help. It was so hard to hear her crying like she was...at times she seemed almost hysterical and we couldn't comfort her. We felt completely helpless. Here's hoping and praying for a better night for this little love of ours!

Baptism

Felicia was baptized at the church I grew up attending. I was baptized there, attended 8 years of Catholic school there, had my first communion, first reconciliation, went through confirmation classes (the actual confirmation was at the Basilica instead of the normal church), and The Bee and I had our wedding there, too! It was a small ceremony because it was after mass and only our families were there with us in the baptistry. Also, a few of our siblings couldn't make it due to the snow storm that was going on all weekend! It was still nice and I feel a sense of relief that it is over now :) We didn't get many good photos because the light wasn't very good in the baptistry (no windows!) and our camera was not behaving for our bro-in-law who graciously agreed to act as photographer. The Bee took a few photos as well, but neglected to get some full body shots to show the gown :( Oh well! We gathered at my Mom's house for cake, refreshments, and visiting following the ceremony.