5 Months!

Felicia at 5 months:

At 5 months, Felicia:
* has 2 teeth!
* is learning to drink from a cup
* has the biggest smiles for her Papa
* likes to feel the grass with her feet
* loves to chew on her toes
* laughs when put in the kangaroo hold in Mom's ring sling
* picks up anything and everything within her reach (notice the block arc looking funny? Silly girl kept reaching up and grabbing them!)
* WILL bite you! We are working on this, but watch out!
* has been asked to be a flower girl next May! (Mom may be more excited about that one!)

Family Planning after Infertility and Pregnancy

At my 6 week postpartum check-up, my doctor asked about birth control. She prefaced her question with, "I know birth control can be hard to stomach after all of the trouble you went through to get pregnant..." After a little chat about my endometriosis, my concerns about hormonal birth control (which I have never used), condoms (which we have also never used), and Natural Family Planning (NFP), she suggested condoms until we are open to expanding our family. I continued the discussion with The Bee later that evening and we decided to stick with NFP as we have all along. Unfortunately with breastfeeding, signs have been very hard to read so there hasn't been much romance around here (that, and the fact that my husband is rarely home).  The chance of my fertility (which is subpar to begin with) returning this early is slim to none, given that I am currently ecological breastfeeding and co-sleeping, and of course I have endometriosis, a disease that is the cause of my infertility.

In the days of our infertility before our daughter came along, I thought I would be open to as many babies as close together as they happened to come. I have always wanted 3-4 kids and we got a later start than we planned to. I mean, if we had a baby when we originally thought we would, we'd be trying for #2 right about now. After a couple of years of infertility and currently having a five-month-old babe, I am faced with a reality that I never really considered before. I have lots of questions and concerns swimming in my head almost constantly:

• How would F handle having a sibling at various ages (specifically before age 2.5 or so)?
• How would my body handle another pregnancy so soon after F?
• Does it even make sense to "worry" about getting pregnant again with all of the trouble we had the first time around?
• What would it mean for my career? I don't have any leave saved anymore and I don't make enough for it to be worth working as many hours as I do while paying for 2 young children to be in daycare. Our plan (as if we have any control/choice in things, we know planning is really a joke in the world of infertility) is for F to be enrolled in the preschool at my school before we'd have another babe to find care for. 
• If we avoid pregnancy using NFP or other means, is it wasting the only time we may potentially have to become pregnant again?
• Would a second child, if conceived sooner than expected, have poorer health than our first born because my nutrient stores haven't been replenished yet? I read an article about this and it said that 2-3 years between pregnancies is ideal for maximum baby health, lower risk of allergies, higher IQ, etc.
• Will I forgive myself if we wait 1.5-2 years before trying again and it never happens? We already know we will likely have trouble given my endometriosis. 
• How long will we try before giving up the dream of a sibling or 2 for F? 
• Will adoption be a feasible option? We have talked about it and have been open to it, but we know it is a time consuming, expensive endeavor that may not work out even if we do everything 'right'. (Does it make any of your blood boil when people say, "Why don't you just adopt?" as if it is as easy as going to the pet store for a goldfish? It makes me crazy!)

I know for those of you still waiting for your baby these may seem like ridiculous or even shallow concerns. Let me tell you, I wasn't worried about these things until about 6 months ago! How do you feel now about how close you would like children?

For those of you who have a child/children after struggling with infertility, what are your family planning ideas/concerns? 

Facebook faux pas

I started this post and it got really (really!!) long so I am going to break it down and just focus on one faux pas for now!

When I was in my darkest days waiting (and waiting, and waiting) in the uncertainty and sadness of our infertility I started unsubscribing from certain facebook "friends." I didn't unfriend them for 2 reasons:

1. I was afraid they would notice and confront me (this goes for friends that I still see IRL)

2. I am nosey and like the ability to look at pictures on my own terms

The people that I unsubscribed from had certain commonalities, such as:

1. They were pregnant or already had children

2. They posted things about how much they loved being part of the "mommy club" (*barf* I will NEVER say that!) or how being a mom is the hardest, or most rewarding job they have ever had, or how their life had no meaning before having babies (ummmm...maybe you need to GET A LIFE then, people! Having kids changes things, for sure, but I HAD A LIFE before and many parts of it were darn amazing!)

3. They posted things about being "proud" of being pregnant

4. They complained about their children in non-funny ways

5. They used certain adjectives to describe their own children 

Now that I am a mom, I thought I would be less sensitive. While I no longer cry, I still get very annoyed by certain types of talk. Here is the first on my list of facebook faux pas. 

1. Saying "awwww" about your own kids/what your own kids did. "Awwww" is an acceptable response to what other people's kids have done (always acceptable for pets, as well). If you "awww" about your own kids, plan on making me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Do any of you have certain types of talk that annoy you on facebook? I hope that I don't annoy people when I post about my family or daughter, but I do wonder sometimes if I am committing a facebook faux pas in the opinion of some of my friends!

4 months

Felicia at 4 months:

At 4 months, Felicia:
* is 75th %ile for weight (15 lb 1oz) and height (25.75 in)

* loves to sit up (on the couch, in her chair, in the bumbo)

* laughs and giggles a lot!

* calms down when Papa sings "Mahna Mahna" and when Mom sings "ABCs" and "Ponyo" theme

* wakes ready to play and talk in the morning!
* sleeps for 5-6 hour stretches (most) nights
* rolls from tummy to back
* likes to ride in the Moby and Mei Tai while mom cooks, cleans, draws, grocery shops

*LOVES the outdoors for walks and just exploring new sights and sounds (laughs at birds chirping in the trees)

* is learning to be gentle when touching people's hair and petting animals

* Favorite book: "Goodnight Moon"



I am working on a couple of new posts at the moment! Hope to be a more active blogger again soon :)

NIAW 2013

Hey, ladies! I just wanted to say that I am thinking of all of you during National Infertility Awareness Week! It is a week that I am sure none of us wish we knew about, but here we are.

Last year at this time I was listening to my Circle + Bloom CDs every night and playing the waiting game as we approached June, the month of my scheduled laparoscopy. I will never forget how I felt and I will continue to have an open and understanding ear for anyone struggling to have a baby. Truth be told, I am terrified that if I ever try to become pregnant again, I am going to find myself in the same spot I was in during the years we waited for our daughter. So much uncertainty and so much sadness and pain. We are extremely blessed (beyond blessed, even!) to have her and I have been shocked by the way that infertility still affects the way I think and feel about many things.

I know that not all of you have strong faith, but I still pray this every night and mention many of you by name in petitions. I had been searching and searching for prayers for infertile couples and my Mom gave this prayer card to me without even knowing that I had been looking. I remember that feeling alone and isolated was one of the hardest parts and I am so thankful to this community for so much support and understanding! During this NIAW week, I hope that you all have some real life support in addition to this amazing online sisterhood as you journey towards expanding your families.

Almighty God, Author of Life,

your servant,

St. Gerard Majella,

practiced love of you

and love of others

in an extraordinary way.

Through his powerful intercession,

grant the gift of life to couples

who need your help.

Protect the unborn and 

assist mothers-to-be.

May children,

especially those in the womb

and the most vulnerable,

be a sign of your unfailing love.

3 Months (and 2 Months!)

 
Felicia at 2 months:
At 2 months Felicia...
*weighs 12lb 1oz
*measures 23.5 inches in length
*smiles and coos
*loves to cuddle and to be sung to (and sometimes sings along!)
*is happiest in the morning 
*adores her papa

 

Felicia at 3 months:

At 3 months, Felicia:
* loves to play with her toys
* drools A LOT
* smiles and talks 
* wants to stand 
* sings along to the ABCs (in her own words)

I'm here!

Just a quick post to say, "Hi!" to everyone! I've been reading but not commenting.

Felicia is well, I am well, The Bee...well, he's hanging in there! Work is ridiculous and terrible for him these days. Without trying to sound too dramatic, I feel like a single mother with really awesome child support right now. My husband is pretty much only home to sleep (we eat dinner between 10pm and 2am most nights because that is when he gets home). He is also currently sick, so when he is home, I am taking care of him, too! One would think that a career that uses his college degree would allow for a higher quality of life, but right now he is really dragging. There was even one day a few weeks ago where he didn't even get to hold Felicia in a 24 hour period because of his stupid job. I am glad he is employed, I am not trying to sound ungrateful, but I need my husband and Felicia needs her Dad! I am very worried about his health...physically, mentally, and emotionally.

When we visited my Grandma last Sunday (without The Bee because he was at the office, poor guy), she gave me a hug and said, "I don't ever post on facebook, but I do go on to check on people. From things you are writing I can tell that you love your baby and you miss your husband." Spot on, Grandma!

Lest you think I am exaggerating about how hard/sad it is to not see The Bee (or how stressed/tired he is), Felicia and I drive him to and from work on Thursdays 1. just to spend some waking time with him and 2. so that I can feel confident he will get to and from work safely at least one day of the week.