I had my first appointment November 22, 2011 at 7pm. I chose this day and time for several reasons:
1. I followed my doctor's orders from August and had completed 3 months of bbt charting
2. It was late enough in the day that I didn't have to miss any work or make sub plans (I HATE making sub plans!)
3. It was our last day of school before a 5 day weekend over Thanksgiving (I figured this would give me more than enough time to compose myself before being back in the classroom if I was a complete wreck after the appointment).
I took it easy that day at work, knowing that the kids would be crazy (being the last day of our first trimester at school and the last day before 5 glorious days off!) and that many of my students would be gone on vacation already (the families at my school are notorious for taking off early before any scheduled break). So I pretty much got to watch A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving 7 times and had the kids draw Peanuts characters in their sketchbooks (we are in Minnesota so I gave a mini lesson on Charles Schultz who was a Minnesota born artist which made me feel a little less guilty about being so lazy!) while I finished up my grades for all of my 360 kids.
At 3:20, I shot out of school like a bat out of hell. I wanted to shower and make myself look polished for the appointment. I knew if I went in looking like what Oprah calls a 'shlumpadinka' I would feel rotten from the get go and cry through the whole appointment. So, I showered, put on a new dress and cardigan that I got while visiting my sister in Wisconsin the previous weekend, a pair of cute tights and my favorite slouch boots. I blow-dried and flat-ironed my hair and did my make-up. I ate dinner by myself (The Bee was working late that night) and called my Mom. By 6:15 I was on the road.
I got to the appointment 10 minutes early, checked in, and started reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire in the waiting room (I know I am way behind the times...I refused to read the Harry Potter series when they came out but my brother-in-law finally convinced me and they are really fun!). They called me in, weighed me (I've lost 5lbs since August, btw, which is either due to stress, the gluten free [well, gluten-greatly-limited] diet I put myself on last August because my stomach was always hurting, my new yoga classes or a combination of these things. This puts me at about 108lbs and my Mom is CONVINCED that I just need to gain weight since that worked for her with her 4th pregnancy which took over a year for my parents to conceive. If I thought it was that easy, trust me, I'd be pigging out! And I am only 5'4" so I am not skeletal or anything.), took my temperature and blood pressure. Then she asked me why I was there. This is still the nurses aide, mind you, and not even the doctor. And I cried. I told her that my husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year with no luck. I told her that my doctor asked me to chart my bbt for three months and then schedule this appointment. She said, "I am so sorry that this is so hard on you. You'll get through it. Lots of people struggle through things like this and you are not alone" She was very sweet and I appreciated her patience and the Kleenex she kept handing to me while she asked all of the normal questions (about smoking, alcohol, caffeine, my cycles, has my husband been tested, etc).
Then I waited for the doctor. It was a very long 20 minutes before the she came in but at least good old Harry Potter was there for me. She came in, asked a few questions and looked at my Fertility Friend charts. And I cried. I asked about my low temperatures and she said they are within normal range and probably nothing to worry about. She asked if we were interested in fertility drugs. I asked if it looked like I am not ovulating on my own? She said it looks like I am, but for November she is pretty sure I ovulated 4 days later than Fertility Friend said I did (which would mean cd19 which would be really late for me from what I have always observed using NFP...although that has obviously not worked so well for us! Ha!). She gave me a referral for the fertility specialist who actually does fertility treatments (the doctor I saw just does the testing), gave me a paper ordering a pelvic ultrasound and ordered some blood tests to check some hormone levels. Then I was off to the lab!
The lab guy is the same one who took my blood in August to check my thyroid levels (which were good!). He is a painter and had told me in August to make time for my own art. He remembered me and asked if I had been painting. I said, "Not as much as I'd like." Then he asked how my day was going. I said, "Oh, it has been good." And then I cried. He said, "Why are you crying?! You lied to me! Your day hasn't been good at all!" I replied, "Work was fine. The reason I am here just really stinks." Then he said, "Do you KNOW that or are you assuming the worst?" "I guess I am assuming the worst," I cried. "Well, these results will tell you a lot and you should get a call about them as early as Friday. Take care of yourself, and paint!"
On my way out of the doctor's office, I stopped at the appointment desk to set up the pelvic ultrasound. The doctor said it is "just to check for basic anatomy." I have that set for December 7 and have to make sub plans - YUCK! I decided to take the whole day off, using one of the many sick days I have been saving for the maternity leave THAT I HAVEN'T NEEDED. I have only used 1.5 sick days in the 3 years and 4 months I have been a teacher and we can only carry over 30. I am at 30.5 and since I am not having a baby this school year I am using the day without feeling bad (even though we can't use sick days for scheduled doctor's appointments!).
Sorry for the long post. I'll make it to be continued...
Friday, December 2, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Here we go!
My first 'real' fertility appointment is tomorrow night! I am sort of nervous even though I know not much will happen. I will be 7dpo tomorrow (again, though, this cycle doesn't look promising for any exciting news).
In the past week (yes, I mean the last SEVEN DAYS) there have been 4 (FOUR!) pregnancy announcements from people I know:
1. A family friend who has a child from a previous relationship, is medically obese, has been married for 4 months and smokes pot (hopefully not now that she knows she has a baby on board)
2. My awesome sister-in-law who had multiple rounds of IVF to have her 2-year-old twins. This pregnancy was a beautiful surprise (with NO intervention!).
3. An artist friend who has 4 kids and didn't want anymore (well, now that baby #5 has made themselves known, she is thrilled).
4. A high school friend who is due with baby #3 at the end of June.
Juvenile as it sounds, I am thoroughly green with envy (well, not about my sister-in-law...for her I am just joyful!).
I'm trying to focus on Thanksgiving and the excitement that it always brings (and I am 100% delighted that we get to put up our Christmas tree on Friday!)!
In the past week (yes, I mean the last SEVEN DAYS) there have been 4 (FOUR!) pregnancy announcements from people I know:
1. A family friend who has a child from a previous relationship, is medically obese, has been married for 4 months and smokes pot (hopefully not now that she knows she has a baby on board)
2. My awesome sister-in-law who had multiple rounds of IVF to have her 2-year-old twins. This pregnancy was a beautiful surprise (with NO intervention!).
3. An artist friend who has 4 kids and didn't want anymore (well, now that baby #5 has made themselves known, she is thrilled).
4. A high school friend who is due with baby #3 at the end of June.
Juvenile as it sounds, I am thoroughly green with envy (well, not about my sister-in-law...for her I am just joyful!).
I'm trying to focus on Thanksgiving and the excitement that it always brings (and I am 100% delighted that we get to put up our Christmas tree on Friday!)!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
I AM thankful! Really!
Boy, it didn't take me long to fall off of the thankfulness train. Oops. I think I'll scrap that endeavor. I have been THINKING about what I am thankful for everyday, just not writing about it. I was faced with a terrible sinus infection/laryngitis combo and the unexpected death of a family friend so things were a little hectic for a while there. Everything is finally slowing down, though, and I have a few wonderful things to post about (my adventure in making 8lbs of marshmallow fondant for my 5th graders and my first yoga class at CorePower to name two), so stay tuned! :)
In the meantime, here is a convo I had with some of my 5th graders (who invited me to eat lunch with them in the cafeteria last Friday!):
5th grader #1: Mrs. Bird, when are you going to have a baby?
Me: I'm not sure!
5th grader #2: She's going to have a baby in 2 years.
Me: Oh, really? What makes you say that?
5th grader #2: Yes! Because in 2 years, I'll be in 7th grade and I can babysit your kid! Yours will be the cutest!
5th grader #1: That is a good idea! I'll babysit them, too! You should have one now, though, because you will be a really good mom.
And one with the school administrative assistant (AA) (who I absolutely adore, btw, even though this put me in a funk for a good hour or two):
Me: The Bee's new job is so much better for him! He is in a better mood and he makes more, which will allow us to get a bigger place sooner.
AA: Uh oh! You know what happens when you get more space and settle in?
Me: Ummm...more housework and yardwork?
AA: No, when we moved into our house, BAM, I was preggo like one second later. Seriously nine months after we got our place our daughter was born.
I don't even remember what I said after that. Probably like, "Oh, that's what happens?" with some forced laughter or something. It would be nice if that was all it took to get pregnant, huh?
In the meantime, here is a convo I had with some of my 5th graders (who invited me to eat lunch with them in the cafeteria last Friday!):
5th grader #1: Mrs. Bird, when are you going to have a baby?
Me: I'm not sure!
5th grader #2: She's going to have a baby in 2 years.
Me: Oh, really? What makes you say that?
5th grader #2: Yes! Because in 2 years, I'll be in 7th grade and I can babysit your kid! Yours will be the cutest!
5th grader #1: That is a good idea! I'll babysit them, too! You should have one now, though, because you will be a really good mom.
And one with the school administrative assistant (AA) (who I absolutely adore, btw, even though this put me in a funk for a good hour or two):
Me: The Bee's new job is so much better for him! He is in a better mood and he makes more, which will allow us to get a bigger place sooner.
AA: Uh oh! You know what happens when you get more space and settle in?
Me: Ummm...more housework and yardwork?
AA: No, when we moved into our house, BAM, I was preggo like one second later. Seriously nine months after we got our place our daughter was born.
I don't even remember what I said after that. Probably like, "Oh, that's what happens?" with some forced laughter or something. It would be nice if that was all it took to get pregnant, huh?
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Gratitude : Day 3
Today I am thankful for the power of the "teacher glare" that I have pretty much had mastered for my entire life (Thanks, Mom!). It sure came in handy today with my third, fifth and seventh graders who were all kooky-crazy!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Exclusion
At my school there are three (3!) teachers expecting their first babies next spring. They are due in March, April and May. Two of them know that The Bee and I have been ttc for over a year. These two have been my friends since my first year teaching. One of them started teaching the same year as me so we sort of have this special bond. We have done ski club together with our school for the last 2 years. I was there when she picked out her wedding dress (which was gorgeous on her and had the cutest pockets). I helped her with tasks for her wedding reception last fall. We even took snowboarding lessons together (along with The Bee) last winter.
And then she got pregnant. She and her husband decided to go off the pill in July. She got pregnant in August (even though they didn't want to get pregnant until October). I sat with her in the nurses office at school when she was having bad cramping in September. I took over her partner teacher's (who is the other pregnant friend) class on one of my preps so they could chat while she (still) laid in the nurses office.
Now I listen to them talk at lunch about their pickle cravings and how tired they are. How they don't worry if they forget to take their prenatal vitamins and how they take still take ibuprofen for headaches. (I, on the other hand, have been taking Tylenol whenever I have headaches or cramps *just in case* and have been religiously taking those darn vitamins for 17 months!). I know I sound all complainy but I am really happy for them both.
Here comes the not-so-cool part. I have become the excluded. It is mainly a lunch thing (how junior high is that?!). Here are two conversations from the past 2 days:
Yesterday, as I am making tea to have with lunch:
4th grade teacher: Gosh, it is COLD in here!
Me: Yeah, I heard they are still trying to fix the boilers.
Pregnant teacher friend (PTF): Oh, tea! That's a good idea. (looking at other pregnant teacher) I have some tea in my room if we want some. (looking back at me) Oh, wait, I guess WE can't have tea.
Today:
PhyEd Teacher: So, are any of you planning on doing ski club this year?
PTF: I can't. I am SO sad!
PhyEd Teacher (looking at me): Are you going to?
Me: I'm planning on it! And my husband will probably come, too!
PTF: I am SO sad that I can't! That was, like, the FIRST thing I thought when I found out I was, you know, pregnant. How SAD it is that I can't snowboard this year.
PhyEd Teacher (to me): Yeah, your husband should come!
PTF: I just got a flyer in the mail from the the ski place and I was just upset. My husband said "You should just give it to The Bird since SHE can use it."
Me: Sure, thanks.
PTF: I REALLY wanted to do it this year but it probably isn't a good idea.
Me: Yeah, I am pretty sure they say snowboarding isn't the safest. People can take some hard spills. Maybe next year, right?
PTF: Yeah. I hope YOU have fun this year, though.
Okay, in writing, those conversations don't look that bad. I tried not to be sensitive about it. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. But it definitely seems like she has a chip on her shoulder about something. Shouldn't I be the grouchy one? Goodness gracious. And, for the record, I'd rather be pregnant right now than be able to snowboard this winter, thankyouverymuch.
And then she got pregnant. She and her husband decided to go off the pill in July. She got pregnant in August (even though they didn't want to get pregnant until October). I sat with her in the nurses office at school when she was having bad cramping in September. I took over her partner teacher's (who is the other pregnant friend) class on one of my preps so they could chat while she (still) laid in the nurses office.
Now I listen to them talk at lunch about their pickle cravings and how tired they are. How they don't worry if they forget to take their prenatal vitamins and how they take still take ibuprofen for headaches. (I, on the other hand, have been taking Tylenol whenever I have headaches or cramps *just in case* and have been religiously taking those darn vitamins for 17 months!). I know I sound all complainy but I am really happy for them both.
Here comes the not-so-cool part. I have become the excluded. It is mainly a lunch thing (how junior high is that?!). Here are two conversations from the past 2 days:
Yesterday, as I am making tea to have with lunch:
4th grade teacher: Gosh, it is COLD in here!
Me: Yeah, I heard they are still trying to fix the boilers.
Pregnant teacher friend (PTF): Oh, tea! That's a good idea. (looking at other pregnant teacher) I have some tea in my room if we want some. (looking back at me) Oh, wait, I guess WE can't have tea.
Today:
PhyEd Teacher: So, are any of you planning on doing ski club this year?
PTF: I can't. I am SO sad!
PhyEd Teacher (looking at me): Are you going to?
Me: I'm planning on it! And my husband will probably come, too!
PTF: I am SO sad that I can't! That was, like, the FIRST thing I thought when I found out I was, you know, pregnant. How SAD it is that I can't snowboard this year.
PhyEd Teacher (to me): Yeah, your husband should come!
PTF: I just got a flyer in the mail from the the ski place and I was just upset. My husband said "You should just give it to The Bird since SHE can use it."
Me: Sure, thanks.
PTF: I REALLY wanted to do it this year but it probably isn't a good idea.
Me: Yeah, I am pretty sure they say snowboarding isn't the safest. People can take some hard spills. Maybe next year, right?
PTF: Yeah. I hope YOU have fun this year, though.
Okay, in writing, those conversations don't look that bad. I tried not to be sensitive about it. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. But it definitely seems like she has a chip on her shoulder about something. Shouldn't I be the grouchy one? Goodness gracious. And, for the record, I'd rather be pregnant right now than be able to snowboard this winter, thankyouverymuch.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Gratitude : Day 1
In celebration of Thanksgiving, I am going to try to post one thing that I am thankful for each day (or at least seven per week if not one a day...I am still not so hot at this blogging business). I figure the positive thoughts can't hurt anything and maybe taking the time to write about all the good things in life will help me see that I could have things a lot worse!
Before I get to the good stuff: I am 15 dpo today and still no af. However, my bbt has dropped the last three days and this morning was even below the coverline. What gives? I just wish af would show up already as I don't want to waste a pregnancy test when my bbt chart is telling me that I am clearly not pregnant (again)! This is only my second full cycle of bbt charting and now I am really confused. Maybe I didn't even ovulate? That sounds like my luck! I also have my first cold of the season (which I am trying to kick in the pants by turning in early every night this week...I went to bed at 9:15 last night and it was fantastic!). Enough complaining (for now anyways, ha!). On to being thankful!
Today is my Grandma's 73rd birthday! I am actually thankful for 2 things today: my Grandma and PUPPIES! My Grandma is a retired nurse (she only retired 3 years ago!) and is one smart cookie! She can talk your ear off about health, politics, religion...the list goes on and on. She has been a great help to my Mom through my parents' recent divorce. Growing up, my sisters and I used to sleep over at her house for a week out of the summer and we always had so much fun! We watched movies all night, ate ice cream and popsicles to our hearts' content, played SKIP-BO (Grandma's fave!), listened to the old crooners (one time we all danced with brooms to Frank Sinatra), did cross-stitch and crafts and played with her dogs!
My Grandma has always had at least one dog. Usually she had 2 or three. Legend has it that my love for dogs began when my Grandma held me for the first time very shortly after birth. She was in the delivery room with my Mom and Dad when I made my grand entrance into this world and the first thing she said to me was, "Hello, I am Grandma. Grandma with the dogs." When I was 9 she gave us a puppy (he was the BEST dog I have ever met. Someday when The Bee and I get a dog it will be hard to compare!). Here she is with her current pups (who would sit on her lap all day if she let them):
Her black teacup poodles are 2 years old and she just got the little white teacup poodle about 3 weeks ago. They are so sweet. Thank God for Grandmas and dogs:)
Before I get to the good stuff: I am 15 dpo today and still no af. However, my bbt has dropped the last three days and this morning was even below the coverline. What gives? I just wish af would show up already as I don't want to waste a pregnancy test when my bbt chart is telling me that I am clearly not pregnant (again)! This is only my second full cycle of bbt charting and now I am really confused. Maybe I didn't even ovulate? That sounds like my luck! I also have my first cold of the season (which I am trying to kick in the pants by turning in early every night this week...I went to bed at 9:15 last night and it was fantastic!). Enough complaining (for now anyways, ha!). On to being thankful!
Today is my Grandma's 73rd birthday! I am actually thankful for 2 things today: my Grandma and PUPPIES! My Grandma is a retired nurse (she only retired 3 years ago!) and is one smart cookie! She can talk your ear off about health, politics, religion...the list goes on and on. She has been a great help to my Mom through my parents' recent divorce. Growing up, my sisters and I used to sleep over at her house for a week out of the summer and we always had so much fun! We watched movies all night, ate ice cream and popsicles to our hearts' content, played SKIP-BO (Grandma's fave!), listened to the old crooners (one time we all danced with brooms to Frank Sinatra), did cross-stitch and crafts and played with her dogs!
My Grandma has always had at least one dog. Usually she had 2 or three. Legend has it that my love for dogs began when my Grandma held me for the first time very shortly after birth. She was in the delivery room with my Mom and Dad when I made my grand entrance into this world and the first thing she said to me was, "Hello, I am Grandma. Grandma with the dogs." When I was 9 she gave us a puppy (he was the BEST dog I have ever met. Someday when The Bee and I get a dog it will be hard to compare!). Here she is with her current pups (who would sit on her lap all day if she let them):
Her black teacup poodles are 2 years old and she just got the little white teacup poodle about 3 weeks ago. They are so sweet. Thank God for Grandmas and dogs:)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)