Chickens

Last night we were planning on telling a group of our close friends our news and we both chickened out. We went to high school with the majority of these friends (so we have known them 10+ years) and many of them were in or at least at our wedding almost 5 years ago. Why did we chicken out? I can think of 2 reasons:

1. Many of them still live the single life style. Not many of them are married, though several are in committed dating relationships at this point, and they frequently make comments about how The Bee and I are the "cool" married couple they know since we still attend gatherings pretty regularly. I am wondering how some of them will feel about the news of a baby entering the picture.

and

2. We are still terribly nervous about sharing the news. Things seem to be on track but I have read too much about all of the things that can go wrong. I just about had a mental/emotional/physical breakdown when I had some spotting last month because I automatically assumed the worst. We have an appointment today and I am terrified that Ponyo will be smaller than expected or the doctor won't find their heartbeat or something. I don't feel like we can hold off too much longer telling people because I am looking a bit plumper. If you don't know me, maybe it is not noticeable, but there is definitely what appears to be some pudge around my middle that wasn't there before. When I lay down on my back my stomach doesn't even get close to flat anymore and by the end of most days my belly looks bigger than it did in the morning (water retention, maybe? I don't quite know). Anyhow, we are afraid that we'll finally tell everyone and then we'll find out some bad news.

The nerves I am feeling are something I never expected. I know plenty of people have anxiety surrounding pregnancy, but I think I have been affected greatly by our infertility. I always feel like this may be our only chance, the only pregnancy we'll ever experience, and I am wasting it in worry instead of being as excited as I expected to feel.