Okay, maybe that is a little dramatic, but we've had some struggles since I had that glorious week off earlier this month. The babe isn't sleeping well, which could be more teething (we try to blame EVERYTHING on teething, though...red cheeks? teething. slight fever? teething. wants to nurse a lot all of the sudden? teething. fussy? teething. weird, messy diapers? teething. biting things/people? teething. won't eat her favorite foods? teething...you get it...the list goes on) but I think it is trouble adjusting to me being back at work. She also now wakes in the morning screaming (truly SCREAMING, with tears shooting out of her eyes), "MAMAMAMAMAMAMA!" Usually I am just about out the door when she wakes, but I get her dressed and put her hair up for the day, anyways, so I get a little time to play and sing with her, even if it means I walk into my classroom later than I should. Note: I've never been late for a class. I have always been there at least 35 minutes before my first class starts, but I have been "late" by a few minutes by what the spoken contract time is this year.
Yesterday, she pulled a Sleeping Beauty on us and slept in way past when I needed to leave (probably because she slept so terribly during the night) so I didn't get any awake time with her and I didn't get to say goodbye. At around noon, my sister (who watches the babe 4 days a week) send me this text:
Felicia is missing you something fierce today--she keeps looking out the window for your car and saying mama
Ugh. Cue tears and tight chest on my lunch break. You'd think it would get easier after 7 months, but it really hasn't! Here's one big point in the "pros of staying home" column.
Do any of you other working moms kind of hate that you are faced with the choice of staying home vs. working? I guess I should ask SAHMs, too, because you had to make the choice to stay home at some point, too. Most (married) women didn't even have to consider it 70 years ago. I get the whole "women's rights...blah, blah, blah" standpoint...girl power and all that...but balancing work and family is so, so hard. Sometimes I just wish it was the norm for me to be home so I wouldn't have to make the choice. But, some weird part of me feels like I am letting down my teacher friends if I quit. Especially my mentor teachers from student teaching (who I am totally facebook friends with). I am admitting defeat or saying teaching isn't important. The ONLY time I can recall my Mom saying she was proud of me (IN MY WHOLE LIFE) was the one time she visited my school with me and Felicia when I was on leave and she saw all of my co-workers and students so excited and respectful when they saw me. Then I read this paragraph and think, "Are you 15-years-old? WHO THE HECK CARES WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS?" Sorry, I have a one track mind right now and it is the stay at home or work topic. Sorry for boring/annoying all of you. Ugh. Off to finish getting ready for work now...
That's so funny about blaming any imaginable symptom on teething. BUT. I had a coworker a few years ago...obviously an adult...and she had never had her wisdom teeth removed. Well, they started growing in at age 35 or whatever. And she was in SO MUCH PAIN, CONSTANTLY (of course they immediately scheduled surgery to remove them, but it wasn't for a week or two) that the dr. gave her prescription painkillers and she ended up taking time off work just because of the pain of the teeth cutting through. And all of us at school were like 'IS THIS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE WHEN BABIES ARE TEETHING?!?!?!' ...because I mean, I guess we/parents/people recognize that it hurts, but man. It was BAD for my friend-- not sure if adults are just wimpier, or if baby teeth are less painful, but..I have a new respect for teething kids. :)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI regret choosing to stay at home. I was only working part time when I was pregnant, and it didn't make sense to stay on simply to cover the cost of day care. I feel like I've been lost in a time warp for the last five years, and that I will finally emerge once my daughter goes to kindergarten this August.
ReplyDeleteThis really is an impossible decision to make. Both choices have huge consequences/ramifications, but ultimately, you'll have to just be happy with the path that you choose.
Good luck and thanks for being so honest/vulnerable on your blog! It's always a joy to read.
Um we blame everything on teething as well. Reagan is still going through this not sleeping phase. Yea I'm just over it.
ReplyDeleteUgh I too have the tug at the heart strings when Reagan calls Mama and I'm walking out the door. If someone could just pay off our debt and drop 1000 acres in our lap to farm I would have no problem walking away. Anyone, anyone?
It does sound like you have a very tough choice to make. Is the 4 days a week thing actually an option for you for next year? I'm afraid I can't relate very well - in my situation I work full time but from home 2 days a week, plus my hubby is off 48 hours at a time so he also has partial at-home-dad duty. However, I have had 2 friends who, like you, taught at a private school where they made little enough BEFORE daycare entered the picture. One friend took 2 years off to stay home and then went back full time; she is now pregnant with #2 and I'm not sure what she's planning to do, although I suspect she will stay home again next year. It makes for a tough budget for her family, but they just make it work. The other friend ultimately changed jobs to find something that was more flexible schedule-wise when she had a baby. I would say both are pretty happy where they're at now, but the key is maybe just getting thru the decision part. Once the choice is made, you will feel so much more peace I'm sure!
ReplyDeleteTotally have mixed feelings about being a working mom! I don't think there's a perfect solution, unfortunately (besides possibly working part-time)... either will come with regrets but with benefits as well! I am always excited for the opportunity to stay home with the babies unexpectedly but by the time the day is done, I am exhausted and ready to go back to work the next day, ha!
ReplyDelete