Dealing with Disappointment

During the first 3 years of our marriage, I was relieved when my period showed up like clockwork every 28-29 days...it meant that we used NFP properly to avoid pregnancy for another month. During those years, we would have been excited if we had a surprise pregnancy but we never took any risks. We wanted to get all of our ducks in a row and make sure we were financially comfortable before we planned on becoming parents. I thought I was awesome at reading my fertile signs and following the instructions we studied together the year before we got married. Now it seems that we could have had sex any day of any month and had the same results. No baby for us :(  

Over the last 18 months, the day that my period starts has been a day full of disappointment and tears. This month was really the first month that I didn't cry. I think knowing that any chance of pregnancy is pretty much impossible until after my surgery has taken away the disappointment for now. This month, my period arrived 2 days early. My cycles seem to be getting more irregular as time goes on. In the last 6 months, I've had cycles range 23-31 days. Most months are still 28 or 29, but it is not as predictable as it used to be.

The worst was the 31 day cycle. I was getting so excited...my period was due on my birthday and didn't show up. I took a pregnancy test that morning before The Bee even woke up (it was negative) and I practically had convulsions every time I used the bathroom until it started 3 days later. What a huge let down!

Last month I decided that I would get a gift for myself each month after my period starts. Not huge things, but things that I don't necessarily need. Last month I got some cat's eye fashion glasses.

Totally cheesey, but really fun! I got the black pair:)

This month I ordered some beautiful scarves from an artist on Etsy. The woman is in Istanbul, Turkey and makes the lace for the scarves by hand. Here is one I really like:

check out her etsy shop here!

Next month, I plan to get myself a new pair of black boots. I had a pair that I bought when I was 21 and both of the heels started falling apart so I finally threw them away last summer.

I know that objects aren't going to heal the pain or prevent the disappointment, but for now it at least gives me something little to look forward to each month!