Here's a quick summary of last week:
1. I read lots of blogs.
2. I finished a painting (the first one of the year!).
3. My last pregnant co-worker had her baby.
4. On the same day that my co-worker gave birth, my Circle + Bloom CDs arrived (God must have been looking out for me!). I haven't listened to them yet, but might start tonight.
5. I felt capable of shopping for my sister-in-law who is due in August. I think I chose a great gift and now I don't have to think about it anymore!
6. I babysat my nephew.
7. I went to a concert.
8. I got my hair colored and cut (even got side bangs!).
9. I visited my Mom.
10. I did a high school senior's hair for prom (oh, how simple things were at ages 17/18!).
11. I went out for Mexican food.
12. I got a phone call from my other pregnant sister-in-law, due in
July (the nicest one), asking me to call her about shower dates for the
one due in August. I talked to The Bee and I decided I am not going
because:
a.) I am no mental state to brave another baby shower, at least until after my surgery
b.) If it is in June or early July, I'll be a mess FROM the surgery
c.) The sister-in-law due in August has been uncaring/rude/insensitive
(as I have mentioned a billion times, the facebook stuff and the
pregnancy conversations...I know I should probably buck up, but I have
been bucking up for so long that I am exhausted and don't want to give
my time and energy to negative people)
d.) It is not her first baby
e.) I am very tired of forced "fun" and
f.) I don't want to go
I think it is better to not go than it would be to start crying
at the shower, yes? I do feel guilty for feeling this way. I mean, I truly believe that every baby is a blessing and deserves to be celebrated but I don't feel like I need to be there. And I will send a nice gift. I called my nice sister-in-law back intending to
say, "Thanks for thinking of me when choosing the date, but I am afraid I
won't be attending. I have decided not to attend any showers until
after my surgery as a means of self preservation." Unfortunately, I got
her voicemail.
Since I have some time now to really think of a way to decline
the invitation...do any of you have advice as to what I can say without
sounding like a horrible person? If it were you, would you go? I'd love
your insight!
I have a shower this weekend (just a distant friend...not family), but luckily I have to work! I feel terrible as I celebrate not having to go, and I am only sending a gift card as I don't think I could handle an actual gift. I might not be the best person to ask advice of, but no I don't think I would go if I were you.
ReplyDeleteP.S. This gal has those automatic weekly facebook updates about the length/weight/etc of the baby. Can you blame me?
I, for one, don't blame you, and have excused myself from a few showers myself. If both of these girls are aware of your current situation, then they will hopefully understand if you are just honest and say that it's not something you could emotionally handle at this point. And I think it's fair to say that you don't know what will happen/how you will feel after the surgery, so you could always bow out gracefully now and if you end up being up for it when the time comes, then I'm sure they'd be happy to have you.
ReplyDeleteSounds like this sister-in-law isn't kind and understanding so no matter what you say will be an issue. Tell the nice sister-in-law the truth and she'll understand. Then be vague and non-committal with crazy pants sister-in-law.
ReplyDeleteGetting my hair colored, cut is on my list because it just makes me feel so good. However after that I wish the lady who does my hair would be at my house every morning to do my hair as well lol. I would not feel the least bit guilty about not attending the shower for mean SIL plus it isn't her first baby and you did get her a gift. I am glad that I only have 1 SIL and they aren't having anymore kids!
ReplyDeleteWhat is it with people having full out showers for the 2nd and 3rd child? I understand certain circumstances make it necessary (large gap between births and/ different gender). Really, it just seems like a gift grab to me. I'm with 625, I would be vague- sounds like she's not going to get it anyway. Also, I'm jealous of your doing-other-people's-hair skills...I'm going to be in trouble if I ever have girls :)
ReplyDeleteThere is a large gap between child 2 and the baby due in August (and this IS her first girl). My nephews are 14 and 12. However, I still don't want to go! I know it will be way too stressful (seriously, just getting the courage up to call my nice sister-in-law about it had my heart practically jumping out of my chest!). And my sister-in-law due in August is not a full out evil person...she has just been shockingly insensitive through all of this. She is known for not thinking before she speaks and people just accept her rudeness and brush it of as "Oh, haha, that is just how she is and always has been!" But she is 37. And she has a sister who went through infertility for 4+ years before having kids so it is not like she doesn't know what to say around me. I am just so tired of people acting like her inconsiderate words and actions are endearing or cute. She is mean and hurts people. And I would like to be through with her until the baby is born.
DeleteOk, that age gap is definitely a reason to have a shower. (It seems like I keep hearing more and more about showers for each child and I jumped all over that- oops! for just assuming that was the case) However, it doesn't excuse being hurtful! I'm sorry you have to deal with that kind of insensitivity.
DeleteI definitely do not think you should feel like you have to go to the shower. I have skipped TONS of showers in my day, and I think people feel relieved when I do-- at least they won't have to walk on eggshells and/or watch me cry the whole time, haha. You could be as honest as you feel like being with you nice SIL, and with the meanie/everyone else, just say something like "that's really close to my surgery and I'm not wanting to make any commitments right now, since I'm not sure how I'll be feeling then...but if I'm up for it, I will try to come." And then, you know, think about it again later. :) But at least you wouldn't be on the PLANNING part of it, then.
ReplyDeleteIf it were me, I'd probably go. But I'm an "over-pleaser" to the point of being unhealthy. Honestly, you missing the shower is probably going to save you countless tears and resentment, while she'll probably notice for 10 seconds that you're not there and move on(because she'll be surrounded by lots of people and gifts, not because she doesn't care, I'm sure!).
ReplyDeleteI say your sanity should win out. But I agree with Erika - tell them you're not sure if you'll be up to it, and then you can decide later, but you at least have an easy out!