Bitter

Synonyms: absinthal, absinthian, acerb, acerbic, acid, acrid, amaroidal, astringent, harsh, sour, tart, unsweetened, vinegary

I am feeling very bitter right now. Have been since the facebook announcement by my brother-in-law 4 days ago:

  

Okay, who's the asshole that snuck in here and knocked up my wife???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

And the subsequent status posted 2 days later:

She's preggerz, and I'm gonna be the #1 Baby Daddy of all time! Also, thinkin about startin a Stud Service, and taking this thing commercial!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, who talks like that?! And this guy is not some 20-year-old young buck, not that it would be acceptable even then, imho...He is 37-years-old, for the love! And, yes, he did actually use all of those question marks and exclamation points...I am not exaggerating. I copied and pasted them verbatim.

And then the phone call I just got from my mother-in-law (who is the sweetest woman you will ever meet and I love dearly):

MIL: Hi, Sweetie. I don't know if you've talked to (sister-in-law) lately, but um, [then a bunch of nervous chatter]. Well, we didn't even know that they were trying to have a baby but now they are expecting...

Me: Yeah, we saw that on facebook on Sunday.

MIL: Oh, yes, they just had the ultrasound yesterday. She is just barely seven weeks along. Oh, (brother-in-law) is just so excited and started getting goofy posting that on facebook. He really shouldn't have. And (sister-in-law) has just been so busy on the phone but she is going to call you. I just thought you should hear it from someone on the phone or in person before seeing it...How are you doing? Have you had any more appointments?

Me: Yes, we had an ultrasound last Friday and didn't get encouraging news.

MIL: Oh? I am sorry! Did you find out anything new?

Me: They think I might have endometriosis. It runs on both sides of my family so we need to set up a meeting about the possibility of laparoscopic surgery.

MIL: Oh, honey. I am sorry. I have known a few people with endometriosis who eventually have babies. Hopefully they can get you all fixed up and it won't be long before you are following behind (sister-in-law).

Then the conversation went on a little and we said goodbye because my friend was about to show me how to use the juicer she is letting me borrow. 

The Bee keeps telling me that I am not bitter and that I am just emotional because of timing and the way we found out (and the asinine phrasing of the announcements). Well, why does it make me feel like my heart is going to explode and make me want to SCREAM then?! I do know that it will pass. Of course I'll love my new niece/nephew a ton. I need to get over myself. Now two of my sisters-in-law are pregnant and the third is ttc. I am imagining 3 beautiful babies at the family Christmas next year. And The Bee and I will be the only ones without. And we've been trying the longest. I need to stop comparing myself. Deep breaths. Cleansing thoughts. We will survive this.